Deliverance from Severe Depression and Suicidal thoughts.
- Grant Owen
- Jan 28, 2016
- 6 min read
Depression
It wasn't a choice emotion or a mood I chose to stay in, it was a sickness of the mind and spirit. Nothing on this earth had any color or flavor to me and I knew I was stuck in this state that would cause me to sleep 7 hours straight after work. I didn't want to wake up and by that I wished I could find some form of suicide that would let me sleep forever. Thoughts of worthlessness and failure raced through my mind and I didn't understand why I was even living. I get it God.. You made us for your pleasure and we must be thankful for everything we have. Everything I had was not enough because I didn't make HIM enough for my smallest most simple needs. What do you have me alive for?? What is my purpose on this planet? Working with children who have disabilities of the mind took a tole on me and I still must rely on HIS strength daily to make it through with some of the cases I work with. My weekend distractions were only to help myself think I was fine to get lost in alcohol and friends who would take my mind off of my constant sadness. I knew even as a believer that only God could get me out but somehow I would still lay there in my self induced grief by feeding off of lies. Yes, it is possible to know the answer and still not apply it to the problem. I was a fool weeping below the darkest lie that covered me shamefully and completely. The enemy had taken my mind and I could not move. I do believe that not surrounding myself with other believers or leaders did not get me the support or encouragement I needed to fight this battle because I felt alone in darkness like a fool fighting with my own strength. I was desperate for help and before the enemy could finish me off while he had me pinned to the ground of the battlefield I turned to my right and my eyes saw a weapon that he missed. I saw a light that twinkled like a star in my eyes. Yes, it was social media that shined for me on this day as my previous pastor Grant Owen offered prayers to anyone who may need healing. I took the opportunity as I knew I wanted to end it all before the following week and I couldn't wait to see him.
The battlefield
Grant Owen an anointed man of God who changed my life over 10 years ago and I'll never forget him praying over our lives with an aching heart of love. I remember him as the leader of my first journey out of an Egypt and into a grace land of POWER!! I was released and this ministry lead me out of my youth and into a 10 year journey of learning growing and becoming whatever God created me to be.
Grant was back in my world again after 10 years as I was on the ground in that dark battlefield of death and I needed help. Maybe he would respond maybe not. Who knows how busy he may be but maybe I'll be the 50th person asking for healing. Maybe the wait was too long and reaching out to him was pointless. His Facebook post clearly said to message him if anyone needed prayer for healing. I sent him a message and not too long after he replied that he was available to see me when he was back from his trip to a ministry retreat in Yosemite.
Shoot!! I can't wait till he comes back. My days were torture and I needed help NOW but come on lets not be so needy the enemy whispered. You'll be done before he comes back. I tried again and this time I texted him the ugliest truth which took courage. I told him I was trying to end my life and Grant immediately jumped in the fight and saw how my life was at stake. Our phone calls kept dropping and speaking was impossible because of the bad service up in the mountains. Text was the tool God used, Grant was the vessel and Gods blood was the weapon! God began to lift me out of the pit of shame. In Grants God given authority the principalities began to submit and in Jesus name he casted them out!
" Say this...I command every devil, every spirit that is not of Jesus Christ to GO!!!! In Jesus name!!!"Your day of deliverance from this spirit of depression is now, says the Lord! That spirit is defeated and I bind it and loose you in Jesus name! God has a great destiny for your life... When we meet you will see..."
My body began to shake and tremble as my hands and face were on fire. Gods miracle was activated. His power released from far away. Grant didn't need to be in the same place with me.
Wow look what authority God has given his sons and daughters and if we only knew the power of faith as small as mustard seed paired with authority as the ingredient for miracles. The Lords miracles are surely activated by FAITH.
Mathew 8:5-13 "5 When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.”
Jesus said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?”
The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”
When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith."
Victory was celebrated as God is greater once again and the enemy looses the battle.
My battle was fought for me and the victory was the Lords. In the darkest nights the smallest lights we ignore at times are the brightest. My thoughts have not tormented me one bit and I FEEL LIKE A BRAND NEW PERSON. My heart is beating with life and with an excitement for whatever Gods plans are.
Turning heads
My family are witnesses to my transformation as I eagerly left work to spend time with my mom and tell her the good news. I ran into her apartment with open arms of relief and she looked at me with a gaze of curiosity and relief. Before I could tell her the story there were tears in her eyes and I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me to keep telling her the story and once I finished speaking she told me she saw me the other day and weeped because I looked so broken and so dead. She saw my face full of flaws and the physical manifestations of my inner sickness. I was ugly because that's what death and sin do to the body. She said that on this new night she saw my skin with color and life and my hair was shining. My sister saw me and she asked me what the good mood was all about and something was different in me. Know that when God heals you he TRANSFORMS you in the physical with an exuberant glow emanating magnificent glory of his grace. This isn't super model media worldly beauty. This is a peace that passes understanding beauty. People will turn their heads and wonder why you look so good when you are covered in grace and glory. I am still physically transforming today but my spirit is healed!! My eyes are open to his grace that is sufficient for me in any circumstance. Never be afraid to reach out for prayer for deliverance about depression or feel ashamed to ask for help.
Newness
Not only am I delivered from death, demons and severe depression, but my life is changing. New relationships are being created as I draw near to the loving kindness of God. I take refuge under his wing and praise him like King David who wrote songs to the Lord while in distress and after being delivered. The deeper the fall the higher the call. I am called and I was low but greater is mercy and grace when at the bottom. The mercy is plentiful and the grace flows around like a dance of salvation in the deepest darkest depths of the earth. Even there, his eyes have seen my unformed body.
Jer 31:3
"I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you." What love so deep and so wide.
In this love I begin a new journey and a new mission. The Mission of love.
God Bless, MoMo
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